I'd be cooler if I were a loner

Color me reality checked today. I have come to the conclusion that I need more friends. Of course, there are friends, associates, acquaintances, coworkers, colleagues, etc. I need more associates and "friends-lite". My friends need a break from me and their friend-loads (friend duties and responsibilities) are becoming too much: they need assistants. So, in an effort to build my personal circle, I have created the following Associate Friend position, which is currently accepting applications and will be hiring immediately.

http://cleveland.craigslist.org/act/359893724.html

Associate Friend Position
Reports to: Moxie Lady
Date Posted: 6/25/07

Socially-stunted 20-something seeking energetic, talented individuals to serve as Associate Friends. Responsibilities include:

• eating meals out or preparing meals in
• researching and scouting new bars/restaurants
• attending and reviewing movies
• weekend brunch appointments
• attending art shows, rock shows, and live theatre shows
• wingman services
• walks in the park
• occasional jaunts to strip clubs

The successful candidate will have:

• 5-10 years of Friend, Associate, Acquaintance experience
• A Lust for Life a la Iggy Pop
• appropriate fashion sense
• comprehensive knowledge of current events
• the ability to operate in diverse crowds
• an appreciation of chain restaurants
• flexible schedule
• a healthy appreciation of (not addiction to) cocaine
• consistent appetite for dessert
• entrepreneurial spirit

Benefits:

• paid meals and drinks (on occasion)
• funny forwards in your inbox
• occasional drunk text messaging
• wingman services

Moxie Lady is an Equal Opportunity friend. Women of color strongly encouraged to apply.