Passivity gets personal

Moxie visited Mama Moxie yesterday. Mama Moxie told me about her nephew's (I refuse to claim him as my cousin) girlfriend. The woman called my mother and told her that he beat her the other day. Her eye was swollen shut and she has difficulty swallowing because he choked her so hard.

Mama Moxie was the surprising DV advocate and asked the woman all the right questions and encouraged her to develop an escape plan. My mother called her sister to tell her about the wrongdoings of her son. My aunt defended him by asking is there was something the girlfriend could have done to provoke him. My mother hung up on her in disgust. Then my mother tells me that her nephew is coming to the house in a few weeks to do some home repairs for which she will pay him.

"You're going to support this abuser?", I asked.

"I can't afford to pay anyone else to do this job and I trust his work. I don't really have a choice."

I came home and attempted to sleep when Mademoiselle Kitty came in to tell me that she had to file a sexual harassment report at her job. This creepy colleague of hers has been inappropriate with her since Day 1. Finally she had enough. When she brought the problem to her bosses, she learned that she was the third woman with multiple complaints against the same guy. The first woman was relocated and the second woman....well, we don't know what happened to her.

Needless to say, Kitty has a couple of questions for the management at her workplace. Her boss was even subjected to Creepy Colleagues inappropriate advances and yet no actions were taken. Did I mention the part where he went to jail for aggravated murder? And now he is back to being a productive, employed member of society with a penchant for harassing white women.

Both Kitty and my cousin's girlfriend live in fear of retribution if they take actions against their perpetrators. The worse part is that while they have support--for the girlfriend, my mom and for Mme. Kitty, her bosses--the reality is that no one has done anything to take action that will protect these women and prevent their abusers from striking again.

My mother told the girlfriend, "Honey if you don't do something now, you will leave that house in a body bag." And she's right. So right that the girl said, "Yeah, his friend just went to jail for killing his girlfriend."

The worst case scenario for this woman is death. Death. Because no one is doing anything...not even herself.

Mademoiselle had to recount all the weird and inappropriate advances her coworker made only to learn that she wasn't the only one. So, why is she the only one dealing with it now and why hasn't this man been removed from the workplace?

These are textbook examples of how women suffer and how society condones abusive male behavior. Hearing these stories reminded me of story after story where women have lost their lives at home or the workplace at the hands of men who thought so little of their lives and so much about their own power. And people are always faced with the question: Why didn't anyone do anything? Because the harsh reality is that there is always more than one perpetrator when the system fails to protect victims. There will always be blood--real or symbolic--on more than two hands.

This dangerous passivity hit closer to home than usual. My mom looked helpless saying that all she can do is pray for the girl and hope she'll be ok. And my roommate can no longer stand to be by herself in her office and she worries how Creepy Colleague who went to jail for murder will react when confronted with his actions.

And what could I do in my own inaction, but listen? In some ways, my hands need washing, too.