Where's the "MY" in Cinco de Mayo?

The person I am fucking had the audacity to wish me a happy Cinco de Mayo today. It bothers me on a couple of levels, one being the fact that people often think that all Latinos are intrinsically the same ergo Puertorriquenas like myself are as invested in Cinco de Mayo as say...an actual Mexican.

The second being that all cultural holidays (as they are observed in the United States) are these strange, exaggerated observances that skew the true and traditional meanings and origins of particular holidays. For example, St. Patrick's Day has evolved to become this crude, binge drinking, riotous holiday that is supposed to epitomize the Irish-American culture. What pride an Irishman must feel being associated with a hideous shade of Kelly green, discount domestic beers and leprechauns. I often wonder how truly authentic (I mean a white person who really is of Irish heritage versus those white people who have one aunt who married someone named O'Shaunnesy once removed thus making them "like a quarter Irish") Irish-Americans feel when they walk out of their house and stumble upon hordes of drunken people wearing green and tacky t-shirts encouraging people to kiss them because their Irish.

It seems like my friends who are really Irish don't get into St. Pat's like say my mutt-white friends. Bland white people who aren't ethnically pure just don't have a sweet holiday like us purebreeds I suppose...therefore they need to find one "cool" culture to embrace and claim as their own. That is my best guest for the lewd and embarassing behavior that is on display on St. Patrick's Day. (See that guy pissing in the alley and trying to eat a corned beef sandwich at the same time? Yeah, he just needs to feel like he belongs.)

So this brings us to Cinco de Mayo, another holiday that gringos have pimped and turned into an excuse to drink until they puke. Instead of green beer, it's cheap tequila. Nothing makes me more annoyed than racist, oversimplified bar posters that advertise ill-prepared margaritas and all you can eat tacos.

Couple points of clarification: Cinco de Mayo IS NOT Mexico's Independence Day (That day is September 16). One more time: Cinco de Mayo is not our southern neighbor's Fourth of July. When I tried to explain this to my friend this morning (and other white people in the past), I am shrugged off for being nitpicky about the cultural significance of the holiday. I hear statements like, "Well, I dunno, it's a great day to drink," or "I know Mexicans who love the holiday."

They love it for a variety of reasons. For some it is their St. Patrick's Day. It is an opportunity to show mainstream America what true Mexican culture is all about. Maybe for some, it is a chance to make some serious dough off of stupid white people. (Can I just make a note about how Black don't really give a shit about Cinco de Mayo or St. Patrick's Day for that matter?) For others, they observe it for the real meaning: the victory of Mexican soldiers in a battle with the French in 1862 in Puebla, Mexico. It was a great demonstration on how to stick it to da man. So it is a source of pride for some Mexicans (especially those in Puebla) because it shows an overcoming of adversity.

Meanwhile in the United States a white, college junior throws up in a plastic sombrero....

The fact is, most Mexicans (as in Mexicans who live in Mexico and using "Mexican" as blanket term to describe Xicanos, Tejanos, etc.) don't even observe the holiday. It isn't a national holiday and the post offices certainly don't close. So this misguided concept of Cinco de Mayo on behalf of (white) Americans bothers me because a reflects the bigger problem of white privilege and their failure to understand and respect other cultures. It further demonstrates that any culture other than their own is a mere commodity that can be packaged, bought and sold thus leading to exploitation, racism and xenophobia.

It is ironic that on the eve of Cinco de Mayo, Bush took the opportunity to reinforce his position about stronger borders and immigration reform. Talk about a slap in the face to Mexicans and Mexican-Americans.

It is also ironic that there is no single day to celebrate Black culture in the way that Oktoberfest, St. Patrick's Day, Chinese New Year, etc. exists. Not that I want one, but to make another point. African-Americans have done a swell job of preventing our culture (at least what we know of it since coming to this continent) from being turned into a cash cow for bars and restaurants. African-American holidays (if I can all it that) like MLK Day are a day of somber reflection on the state of race in the US. No one gets buck wild over their nigga Martin in the bar. White people dare not run around in Black face (like they used to and still do) like they do in sombreros in May and green tees in March. They don't beat up on a plastic Black man hanging from a tree as if he were a piñata. There are no fried chicken platters and Colt 45 discounts at the local watering hole. There aren't special recipes listed in the Food section of your newspaper that show you new ways to use watermelon. (What is it with white people "discovering" new ways to cook other cultural group's food?)

So when will ethnic groups be given the same respect for their cultural holidays? I have to wonder if other ethnic minorities feel the same way as I do. How can ethnic/cultural minorities have special observances without white people taking it over and misinterpreting them? And what about the gays? Will there ever be a day when all straight people will observe National Coming Out Day by parading in the streets and draping themselves in rainbow everything and getting wasted on cosmos and frou frou martinis? And would The Gays want that? Would that be the level of acceptance and tolerance that the movement is hoping to achieve? How does the dominant culture go about picking which cultures it wants to whore out?

Without sounding completely disrespectful of Mexican-Americans, I have to wonder if there is some level of complacency around the holiday as it is observed in the US. Shouldn't Cinco do Mayo celebrations be a time to speak up about immigrant rights? About fair labor practices? After all, it is a day to remember overcoming asshole white people....

Maybe it's not complacency. Maybe this is a milestone achievement on the road to racial harmony and equality. Maybe these stupid house parties and bar crawls are white society's way of saying: You're in. Maybe what Black people need to do in order to have our culture celebrated and observed is to not bristle at Black face and fried chicken jokes and instead create a space where it's OK for white people to pretend to be Black for one day. If everyone is Irish on the 17th of March, then why can't we all be Black for a day? Yes, that's it: the commodification of certain cultures by white America is some sort of perverted way of saying you have officially assimilated. Thank you and welcome to America. You are now officially an ethnic group that we are not afraid to mock, parody and profit off of. Thank you for allowing us to create gross caricatures of your people, beliefs and traditions in an effort to be the melting pot our country has truly become.

But really white people don't want to be Black or Mexican every other day of their lives. Then they would have to deal with the racist realities that are prevelant in this country on a daily basis. Celebrate is one thing, empathize and understand....well, that is just going overboard.

I respect Cinco de Mayo and Pride and St. Patrick's Day, and Chinese New Year and Oktoberfest et al, but I don't celebrate them because I don't feel comfortable singling out one day of the year to eat "traditional" food as interpreted by white Americans, abuse alcohol, and wear cheap imitations of cultural garb. I say if you want to respect, observe and celebrate a culture other than your own, read a book, visit a museum, visit authentic (owned and operated by persons of said culture) restaurants any fucking day of the year. You may want to take a step back and learn about your own culture and think about how you would feel if someone like me ran around like a fucking idiot telling people to kiss me because I'm German/Polish/Ukrainian/Swedish/British/Italian/French, etc.

It ain't a pretty picture is it?