I'm feeling so Degrassi High right now

Here I go again. Here I go. again. The Moxster has found herself in a silly emotional pickle. She is giddy like a school girl over a grrl.

I'm not sure what the Chinese zodiac is for 2007, but in my world, it is the year of the cock. After spending way too much time in the company of hens, ML has decreed that she would look forward to the pleasures that only gentleman callers can bring.

But working two jobs around straight women and gay men has brought me nothing but an empty bed and cobwebs around my good panties. Of course, it is hard to leave the hen house when so many chickadees peck around your feet. It's not that I'm dropping food, but an occasional crumb or two of feed has escaped my hand and low and behold a certain chick pecked and I'm giddy...like a school girl.

It's that feeling you get when someone you like, likes you back. And there's all that wondering and guessing and mystery. Your mind fills with what ifs and I can't waits. I love that feeling and I hate it because it can be so distracting. But distracting in a daydream way that has you painting all sorts of pictures that involve all sorts of things.

And there's that moment when you exchange phone numbers. And you get excited when you get a text or your phone says incoming call from "Grrl". Yay. And your first date. I know what you're thinking lezzies don't date, they meet up to plan which furniture to keep in their new house together, but there should be a bonafide coffee date coming up real soon. Hopefully we will avoid talk about baggage and instead focus on important things like favorite colors and movies and what kind of dog she owns.

Did I mention she was in high school when I was born? That should make things interesting. And that she sounds like Jane Lane from Daria? Plus, she's tiny....tiny like she made it to the final casting call of "Lord of the Rings" tiny.
*pause*

And....she's white. ugh. why, why, why, WHY do I work myself up into a giddy frenzy over a person that I am technically not supposed to be attracted to? She's a boy. She is a boy...right there is an issue. She is a white boy. There I go betraying my race. Dammit.

She. white. boy. is not Strong. Black. Man.

When Moxie likes girls, she likes them in lip gloss and pink patent leather stillettos, but noooooooo here comes Miss Fix-It Lesbian in ripped jeans, blue (I think...they could be green. All I know is that they're so crystal clear, they practically glow) eyes and short hair and I'm all giggles.

Maybe I'm fighting something that just isn't there anymore? I don't know. I'm breaking my own rules and I am so pissed at myself. While I'm all giddy and giggles, I'm also feeling guilty about the giddy giggles. I can't like dykey white women. I can't. I'm not supposed to, but here I go again.