Monday, April 9, 2007

It's a Monday and my hate is on a roll...

MySpace’s viral magic is truly becoming a virus. On and off, I have been trying to explore what it is I hate about this online social community and like the wafting smell of two day-old armpits, it continues to taunt me and make me nauseous. It's not like I'm jealous and that I can't join - anyone can. I already belong to an elitist social organization, it's called a "sorority". There are so many online "communities", there's Facebook and Friendster; so why MySpace? Is it because of its ubiquitous presence in our culture today? Yes. The same reason Wal-Mart is the devil and Target is our saving grace. The reality is Target is just as evil. So today MySpace gets its own hate-post from me.

I may be alone in my stance, but maybe I’m not. Ironically enough, I could start an online community for people who don’t use MySpace. I won’t. The people who do declare their dislike of the site seem to be tech snobs and find the whored out pages of the members to be in poor techie taste. Not my territory, but many of the pages are pretty harsh on the eyes and my computer’s memory capacity.

Let me try to wrap my head and arms around this so that I can articulate my peeve as clearly as possible.

*moment*

Age anti-discrimination….Granny is part of your Extended Network
OK. So in theory a social networking site is a great idea! It allows us to connect with friends and family we don’t see often. We can meet people who share interests. Find people half way across the globe. Promote new works, artists, politics, beliefs etc. Great, awesome….

And I truly believe that is what its creator(s) had in mind when it launched. But it has morphed into a community of pathetic souls, pedophiles, frenemies, loners, stalkers, and celebrities desperate to reach the 18-35 age bracket (or younger or older, I can’t tell anymore). It has become a free dating site for divorcees masquerading as just wanting to “network” or “meet friends”.

Honestly, if it were just 13 and 15 year olds spending all their time online, I wouldn’t care. I would dismiss it as teenage obsession. But nooooo…..the number of people pushing thirty and who fell off the cliff eons ago have pages, too. And that is when it gets a little sad.

I am someone. I count.
I have an account. I set it up only enough to check friends' pics or blogs (see I’m a good friend). I admit that I have found myself getting lost in the viral mazes of the “extended network”. Look at me I have friends! It is sad the ego boost people receive based on the number of “friends” they have. To me, the more friends you have, the more time you waste at your computer.

Then there is the Top 8. Oh my. You are no longer my BFF; you’re in my Top 8. Congratulations, all your comments to my page will be automatically accepted and they won’t have to wait for my approval (Having comment approval makes one a demi-god). Not to mention the magic one must feel when Hillary Clinton accepts your friend invite. To be so close to someone so great….

Things you could be doing with your time
- Staging a sit in
- Hosting an exchange student (who would probably spend most of their time on MySpace in your home office)
- Feeding the hungry
- Clothing the poor
- Going to church
- Masturbating
- Saving wounded pigeons
- Planting a tree
- Connecting with real people in a live setting such as a doctor’s office, brothel, or coffee shop
- Doing Yoga Booty Ballet
- Going to an indie record shop and discovering artists there
- Riding a bike
- Tipping cows

You get the picture. I can only imagine how many calories I am not burning typing this post. Or grants that aren’t being written (don’t worry, it’s under control).

Why this is worse than the apocalypse
I know I'm overreacting, but MySpace creates a false sense of self(hood). It tricks people into thinking their lives mean something and that they can be experienced through a monitor and keyboard. It feeds into our society’s growing egocentric, anything goes, anyone can be a celebrity pandemonium. Generation X, Y and Millennials are notorious being self-centered assholes and now our addiction to ourselves in but a mouse click away.

While it connects people, I really think that it is damaging how we see, experience, and connect with each other. It celebrates selfishness by equating worth with the amount of exposure you have. It tricks thirty-somethings into thinking it is normal and acceptable to maintain relationships in this arena. People that age should have their own stationery and drop a hand-written note to distant friends and relatives. We’re fostering the great cosmopolitan divide by continuing to support MySpace.

Don’t get me wrong...
I love what technology has done for our lives. I love how many ways we have to connect with each other. I appreciate the need to reach out farther than around the corner. I get it, people. I get it.

I just wish to caution MySpace users from letting real human contact atrophy. They need to be careful not to let open and honest communication turn into passive aggressive exchanges like deleting someone from their Top 8 when they piss you off, leaving evil chain letters in someone's comment section, or changing your relationship status when your boyfriend gets on your bad side.

That being said...
I hate to brag, but Tom is in my Top 8. He CREATED MySpace. He friended me the minute I signed up. How many people can say that? Hmph.

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