I was reading this Slate.com column that takes the principles of economics and math and applies it to everyday life. Today the topic was using game theory to explain the level of available, straight bachelors. (It's always about the straight people, isn't it?)The story was interesting enough, but it lead me to this essay in the Atlantic Monthly by a woman who calls herself a feminist. Yeah, somewhere in the beginning of the article she attaches this description to herself to describe her act of having a baby as a single woman and having a job or some shit. If that is all it takes to be a feminist then....
After reading several paragraphs of this garbage disguised as intelligent reading, I realized the article must be one of the gag articles like in The Onion. Here's why:
"Oh, I know—I’m guessing there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will be writing letters to the editor to say that the women I know aren’t widely representative, that I’ve been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I’m talking about. And all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re not worried, because you’ll see how silly your face looks when you’re being disingenuous."
Yeah, that is pretty damn funny. Amused I kept reading her diatribe about how settling for a loser husband is better than being alone. Because a woman over 30 is so useless and unattaractive and God-forbid she isn't able to spawn some asshole's progeny. That would render her entire existence pointless! This is funny stuff!
I'm pratically slap happy has she recounts tales of friends who, once they approached the point of no return also known as 35, settled for men who they didn't even like just so they could have a baby daddy under the guise of marriage. You know, someone to sit around and suck the life out of you while you child rear, work outside the home, clean the home and lay there while he deposits his sperm into you once or twice a month. At least he splits the bills, right?!
Guffaw, guffaw!
"Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they’re invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. And even if some men do find us engaging, and they’re ready to have a family, they’ll likely decide to marry someone younger with whom they can have their own biological children. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option."
This feminist is funny. Age, not patriarchy, is a woman's biggest enemy. This whole time I had it wrong.
"Just as the relationship books fail to mention what happens after you triumphantly land a husband (you actually have to live with each other), these single-mom books fail to mention that once you have a baby alone, not only do you age about 10 years in the first 10 months, but if you don’t have time to shower, eat, urinate in a timely manner, or even leave the house except for work, where you spend every waking moment that your child is at day care, there’s very little chance that a man—much less The One—is going to knock on your door and join that party."
How is this different than if you were married? Study after study after study shows that marriage benefits men and leaves women depressed, overworked and underpaid. Call it Double Duty or the Second Shift, it is what it is: while men's roles at home are increasing, women still do a unhealthy amount of work at home. Marriage is a patriarchal arrangement disguised as some sort of spiritual union that is designed to keep women as property and in a perpetual state of slavery. Men get all the benefits of improved health, obligatory sex and clean laundry. Yet, somehow, not only am I to desire marriage because being alone is the equivalent of death, this woman is also telling me that I should marry someone I don't like and am not even attracted to while my goddamn eggs are still fresh. Double U tee eff, lady?
Do I need to point out all the ageist, sexist bullshit that spews from her ball licking little mouth? I don't. These excerpts alone should tell you what a fucking idiot she is, but still reading it made me laugh a lot. Not your regular laugh, but that crazy laugh you do when you just can't take it any more.
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